A boy comes home from school and asks his father, “Hey Dad, what’s the capital of China?” His dad answers, “I don’t know, son.”
The boy then asks, “Where was the Magna Carta signed?” But the father doesn’t know.
The boy went on. “What year did the Titanic sink?” He gets the same reply.
Finally, the boy says, “Dad, you don’t mind me asking all these questions, do you?”
And the father replies, “No, son. If you don’t ask questions, you won’t ever learn anything.”
Rob and Tom apply for the same job. They take a written test. “You both got the same number of questions wrong,” the HR person tells them, “but Rob gets the job.”
“If we both got the same number of questions wrong, how come he gets the job?” Tom asks indignantly.
“Well,” says the HR person, “one of his incorrect answers was better than yours.”
“Whoa, how can that be?”
“For problem No. 46, Rob wrote, ‘I don’t know.’ You wrote, ‘Me neither.’”
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Shei…k announced: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.” The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.” This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!” “Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,” Sardar replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.” “Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave.” The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. “And what is your second wish, ?” the Sheik asked. Sardar smiled and said, “Tie the Pakistani to my back” !!!
My wife was fascinated by the elegant calligraphy on the hand-written menu in a Chinese restaurant.
She took it home and spent months knitting a sweater with Chinese characters down the front.
She was wearing it at a cocktail party when a Chinese physician asked where she got the symbols.
“From a menu,” she admitted.
“Do you know what they say?”
“I’m afraid to ask,” my wife said, “but tell me anyway.”
“Cheap, but good.”
There was an old woman who was on her death bed talking to her granddaughter. She told her “Honey, I could die any minute so I want you to inherit my entire farm, including the Villa, tractors, the farmhouse, all the livestock, and $22,389,630.00 cash.”
“Wow grandma! Thank you. I didn’t know you had a farm and all the wealth. Where is it?”
Grandma replies, “Facebook”
A guy walks into a bank, points a gun at the teller and says, “Give me all your money, lady, or you’re geography.”
“Don’t you mean ‘history’?” the teller asks.
“Hey, lady,” the thug replies. “Don’t change the subject.”
A man is speaking to a long-distance telephone operator.
“Could you please tell me the time difference between Taipei and Las Vegas?” asks the man.
“Just a minute”, says the operator.
The man says “Thank you” and puts down the phone.
A couple invited some people to dinner. At the table, the wife turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
Recently engaged, my brother-in-law Jeff brought his fiancee home to meet the family.
When asked if she was enjoying herself, she politely replied yes. “She would say that,” Jeff interjected. “She’s not the type to say no.”
“I see,” my husband said after a brief silence. “And that explains the engagement.”
Trial Lawyer to Witness: Is it true that you accepted $25,000 as bribe money?
(a moment of silence)
Judge: Witness, please answer the question.
Witness: I’m sorry, Your Honour, I thought he was asking you.
