Best Funny Stuff

I hope both Santa send me a present…

How do you know Santa Claus has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

Dear Santa

If you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk. Merry Xmas…

Tony.

Now I know why Paula leave American Idol…

I can explain…

First Joke
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.”
The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother — he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”
“Denise,” the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!” Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?”
The doctor replies, DeNephew.

Second Joke
This guy goes into a doctor’s office. The doctor says, “Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?” The guy shrugs and says, “Well I guess I’ll have the bad news first.” “Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live,” the doctor replies. The man is distraught, “24 hours to live? That’s horrible! What could be worse than that? What’s the VERY bad news?” The doctor folds his hands and sighs, “The very bad news is…I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

A couple were going out for the evening. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -”Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”

A US banker dubbed ‘Robin Hood’ has been sent to prison for a year.

Bank manager Patricia Keezer was sentenced to spend 12 months and one day behind bars after stealing $340,000 from rich customers and transferring the funds into bank accounts belonging to poorer clients.

She told the judge: “I would take other people’s problems and make them my problems. I do have a problem with giving things away.”

The 53-year-old woman – who has no family – apologised profusely in court and even told the judge she would accept the death penalty for her crimes.

This is the cutest video ive ever watched, the animals are awesome..